Entanglement of a lifetime

Nobody move and nobody gets hurt...

2009-04-20T09:08:00.006-06:00

So, It is true, I start crying with out hope to stop everytime anyone ask me about you... My friends have tried to cheer me up without any easy outcome, even SP has tried, I cried for an hour on his shoulder, he had to come and get me because I could not keep driving and he was at the phone, responsible for making me cry and closest... But as you clearly said, I cried the whole weekend and since Monday morning hopefuly crying stops... I will still miss you, but I have to go back to my rutine (which one?) So, since there is no sense in keeping this space because you are the only follower, this will be my last post, unless you change your mind, decide to deal with this not going away through the false door, and comming back to the goodness of this life... The rest of my feelings, are for me because as Thumper's father said "If you can't say something nice, don't say nothin' at all"...So I leave with this song from Counting Crows, my all-time favorite...

Step out the front door like a ghost into the fog
Where no one notices the contrast of white on white
And in between the moon and you the angels get a better view
Of the crumbling difference between wrong and right
I walk in the air between the rain through myself and back again
Where? I dont know
Maria says shes dying through the door I hear her crying
Why? I dont know

Round here we always stand up straight
Round here something radiates

Maria came from nashville with a suitcase in her hand
She said shed like to meet a boy who looks like elvis
She walks along the edge of where the ocean meets the land
Just like shes walking on a wire in the circus
She parks her car outside of my house
Takes her clothes off
Says shes close to understanding jesus
She knows shes more than just a little misunderstood
She has trouble acting normal when shes nervous

Round here were carving out our names
Round here we all look the same
Round here we talk just like lions
But we sacrifice like lambs
Round here shes slipping through my hands

Sleeping children better run like the wind
Out of the lightning dream
Mamas little baby better get herself in
Out of the lightning

She says its only in my head
She says shhh I know its only in my head
But the girl on car in the parking lot says
man you should try to take a shot
Cant you see my walls are crumbling?
Then she looks up at the building and says shes thinking of jumping
She says shes tired of life she must be tired of something

Round here shes always on my mind
Round here hey man got lots of time
Round here were never sent to bed early
And nobody makes us wait
Round here we stay up very, very, very, very late
I cant see nothing, nothing round here
Catch me if Im falling...

XXX XXL

Malayo

2009-04-08T15:20:00.002-06:00

My friend Elisa (Sister Shimpi) & I went to have dinner friday night. After walking through Orizaba all the way from Zacatecas up to Durango we found a great restaurant called "Malayo" really nice place, food was excelent, but the best of it was talking to Shimpi... We talked about our experiences, expectations and what we think is going to happen in our lives and what would we like to... Bottom line: our hearts are a mess, we miss being loved and still love, I would say stronger than a few years ago but that would be lying, we love as much as we have, and being by ourselfes does not make it easier but surely makes us feel better. Hopefully we'll find that what we've been looking for... This just reminds me of something a friend use to say, be careful with what you wish, may be it happens...

XXX XXL

Interstar 31

2009-04-02T18:32:00.002-06:00

I've been reading the Twilight saga and honestly have to admitt that in a long time (around a year or so) I have not been so suck into a book... It all reminds me of my life with you, obious the one I have always imagine not the real one hahaha....vStrange things have happened and some more about to do... I just linger for your lips and I know they will be cold as ice and hard as a rock but I know that I will be confortable in your arms and that vision of my destiny will not be wrong because I know I wont change my mind, I know what I want and time will eventually come... I will wait for you...

XXX XXL

Quick summary...

2009-03-31T12:28:00.002-06:00

Life has changed a lot in the past weeks...

I've been through a process to determine if I'm trust worthy or not poligraph test included, 8 hours of a psy exam and even been examined by an MD... Today they told me I'm trust worthy hahaha, 27 years old and finally someone officialy said people can trust me hahaha...

After all those exams they told me its me...yes! its me!! I'm the one supoused to take that job and as soon as they finish some arrangements I'm starting there...

Some things have changed:

I don't miss you that much, I miss talking to you every time I want to, but I realized this availability of yourself is new, and you're just going back to the usual rutine, just let me say that I don't like when you call my friends and then you say those things you said about it...

I think of you a lot and part of me wishes you and me could be more than just friends, as we agreed this cannot work if we don't feel it, so friends its ok, although I have to add that you showed me so much kindness and tenderness that I have not felt in a long time, thank you for bringing back those feelings to me. I will always love you my own way...

I wasn't going to mention you in this post but is part of the things that have changed...

I know you miss me, I miss you too, please try not to make things so difficult when we met, believe in me, I miss you don't fight what you're feeling, embrace it... by the way I did not like him, I felt connected with him, but not like him l-i-k-e-h-i-m, please don't assume, thank you anyway for allowing me to give opportunities to new things, every new experience with you is worth all the wrong directions...

This is the song that inspired this post, enjoy it!

Kisses on the phone...

2009-03-05T20:10:00.003-06:00

Truly, I never imagined that you would send me a kiss on the phone, in fact when I ask for it all I was expecting was "ok darling I send you a kiss" and that was it!... contrary to what I thought you smack a kiss...wow! blows my mind every second of the day as I think of it... Wow! I'm not sure what kind of "thing" has to happend in your head to do so, but I'm glad, absolutely glad, I smile all day around, no particular reason... well... only that you really sent me a kiss... That's it, I can't think of any other things, just that you sent me a kiss... I'm having lunch with you tomorrow and hopefuly one day that kiss comes with the warmth of you lips...

XXX XXL

La Desdichada Elvira...

2009-02-19T13:52:00.006-06:00

October 6th, 2007: My best friend was getting married next week (oct 13th) so, him, his wife-to-be, some friends and I, decided to go to "El Sapo Cancionero" to throw them a Bachelor/Bachelorette party... Best time ever!, definitely had a great time with them. I was having a dark & low time and needed some serious tlc, since I was just single again, 5 days before that I left my ex (something I don't particularily want to talk about right now). I enjoyed so very much that time and delightful memories live in my head from that "time age". That was the day Erika and I became "girlfriends", hahaha, her husband is a bartender and works from thursday to saturday and I was single, everyone else that night went with their significant other and were hugging and kissing, at some point of the night we look at each other and hug to have that warm & fuzzy feeling that hugging someone gives...since that day and since we realized we hang around with a lot of couples and always were by ourselves, we started calling each other week-end-girlfriend...She is a great person and I have a lot of things to thank her, been with me through rough times and held my hand & defended me when I needed...for all those great things you've brought to my life thankyou very very much! I'm endlessly greatful!...All this story started because I found a video from that day, this is Luis G. Perez singing "La Desdichada Elvira" from Chava Flores, one of my favourite tangos...enjoy!

XXX XXL

Here the lyrics (as far as I understood from the video)

Tango "La desdichada Elvira"
Autor: Salvador "Chava" Flores

Tango que me hicistes mal
Pos por que te lo comites güey!
Murió de amor la desdichada Elvira
Como pudo haber muerto de fiebre pulmonar
Si allá voy
Se pelo de esta vida
Su corazón sangrante
Dejó de funcionar
Donde esta el corazón
Tenía la parte hinchada
Pues la flecha clavada
Salió por el pulmón
Porque Elvira murió
Murió por el amado
De corazón malvado
Que hace un año
La dejo
Callo como se cae cuando nos falta el piso
Por un tipo panzón, de paso cacarizo
Elvira señalo la foto del culpable
En la mano un sable y un pie sobre el cañón
Calló como se cae con los ojos al cielo
O sea callo pa'tras rebotando en el suelo
Se le hizo un chipotón
Y no se lo sobamos
Y que apuros pasamos
pa'meterla en el cajón
Ay Elvirita! Por amor que bailo
Cómo se dice allá? macanuda? no verdad!
Che echarle un ojo, al fin tenes dos!
El día en que se murió la desdichada Elvira
En la última moqueada
Aún pudo murmurar
Adiós amor
La pata se me estira
Pero dejo otra suelta
Pa’venirte a espantar
El día que se murió
Dijeron los vecinos
Enséñenla otra vez
Nosotros no la vimos
Y en el último estirón
Toditos los mirones
Salimos a empujones
Ah! que susto nos metió!
Después llego un doctor
A echarle una mirada
Nomás cobro un cuentón
A ella ni le hizo nada
Allí certifico
Que se murió de pena
Sacó para la cena
Y el tipo se largo
Pague la inhumación
Con los pelos de puta
Nos se considero
Si puso la difunta
Pero Elvira murió
Murió por el amado
De corazón malvado
Que hace un año la dejo

Girl in the mirror...

2009-02-17T11:43:00.006-06:00

I know I have not write in here for a long time...almost 2 months, many things have happened in my life lately and not all of them have made me happy.

I quit my job, and now I'm looking for a new one, found some new friends, found some old friends, lost some old friends and reasure some friendships... X'mas was nice particularly because good friends called to say hello and my family was really happy and close those days...now I remember I have to deliver some gifts, ha! almost 2 months later 3 friends will recieve a Merry-late-X'mas-gift! hahaha. I hope they like their present...

Good things and bad things have happened and because I'm a lost cause case of an optimist I rather remember the good things...

HE has changed a lot and now its easier to (as LWBT said) invade him. I realized this morning that when I bought some underweare at Tops & Bottoms on sunday, must of my clothes are either blue or orange (mine and his favorite colors btw), I dreamt of him two nights ago and yesterday...it was nice, I still remember the sensation of his lips touching mines while he hold me by the waist and I touched his hair...yeah, yeah, I'm seeing yellow hearts around me right now! hahaha...

SHE confessed something that took me by surprise, not because I didn't know it, but because I wasn't expecting the confession, as the goddess I am, I can "read" people's feelings but I expected this issue to be part of my selfishness and not even in my wildest dreams hoped she would tell me. Honestly speaking is not the first time someone tells me that but is the first time I was about to try it for a while...I know this would have changed our lives dramatically and it is why I said no...She has made so many changes in her life lately and I'm not sure if she can go to where she wants to go by following this route. Strangely, I think this changes if they were done in my life, were small changes, but for her are like going to the other side of the world, she has changed lanes in this ride and I hope, she realizes soon that this visit to extremes is not what she wants or needs, middle ground would be better, because even if the average of a pendulum movement is the middle, reaching extremes can be exhausting, I know this from experience, middle ground is always reasuring...Good luck! Is all I can wish to her, I know exhausting times come soon because I feel responsible for her life and well-being...I don't know if this is the right road but I will be after her with my toolbox in my hand ready to be used...

I started my master and I have to solve some excercises for today's class. I'm taking 2 courses, Accounting and Statistics...definitely I HATE Accounting and LOVE Statistics (pendulum movement again :P) I realized that my heart-involved people are accountants, (my mom used to say that God creates them and I find them) I'm watching the lines in my hand and remember a friend told me that 3 people that would like to be with me (romantically) talk about me among them but none of them know they are talking about the same person (me)...Strange isn't it? Mainly because I don't want to choose between them and strangely I have already chosen... Mah! life will bring great things...

All I can say as a resume of this 2 months is that I know great thing will come, and by great I do not necesarily mean happy things, and I'm eager to live them!

XXX XXL

Truth Time...

2008-12-19T22:29:00.002-06:00

I've been talking to you for the past 50 minutes. I LOVE to talk to you. Definitely we agree that this kind of situation between us is comfortable for you, definitely not for me but its better than not talking to you at all... "I personally think" you should come and try THIS I believe that if you do it you'll never want to be without This. Statistics say the opposite but if you are afraid of loosing this you may notice that the only reason for loosing it is not allowing me to be me... Come on!! Try it!! Taste!! Enjoy!! (hahaha) I think we both would not only like it but LOVE it!!.

XXX XXL

Archetypes

2008-12-19T16:14:00.003-06:00

Well yes! It's been hectic and my head (again!) is a mess...I cannot stand uncertainty... for sure I don't like it and now it shows on my skin... I saw Grey's anathomy this week (old chapter) and felt really identified with some girl who blushed every time and really noticeable!!... poor dear! Anyway! I feel the same, I have this spots in my skin now reflection of what I feel, (which is that I don't feel right) I found a friend who's friend of a friend's friend and knows these person whom I have a crush on...or is it that I love him?...mmm... I would like to say yes! he is THE man in my life, but time and life has proven me wrong...so let's just say I have a crush on him, the rest will be history soon hahahaha... So I'm a dramatic person, he's a dramatic person, my friends are dramatic and truly...mmm... I can't stand any more drama... sorry but true! I can't I believe this is a selfish action but couldn't care less...Anyway (and not any really!) I decided to dissappear... If you want to find me call me! maybe I will answer and yes, even if I say I'm not waiting for your call, yes!, of course I am!! so call me later I will decide if answer or not... Right now?... don't know... probably not... as RG said this morning... Maybe you want me to be that girl waiting by the phone for your call saturday and maybe you have the right to want that but I'm not going to be that girl... I think I love you but I'm going to live my life and that's it, if you want to be included raise your hand...now!... well you have like 24 hours hahaha...

XXX XXL

(damned! these are some of the reasons why people think I'm crazy :P)

I am a Vamp...

2008-12-15T18:23:00.004-06:00

How nice it is to have someone say nice things about myself, however he is nor the one I want nor the one I love, so I leave you with this video, enjoy...

XXX XXL

Frankly, my dear...

2008-11-24T18:40:00.004-06:00

I don't give a damn! Rhett said to Scarlett... I need to think how to say that to you but...I can't think about that right now. If I do, I'll go crazy. I'll think about that tomorrow...and no, I don't think I will kiss you, although you need kissing, badly. That's what's wrong with you. You should be kissed...and often...and by someone who knows how...So If I kiss you and If I said I was madly in love with you, you'd know I was lying...

Gone with the wind...Always gets me...

Just for your personal amusement find out which character you are...http://www.quizilla.com/quizzes/714532/which-character-from-gone-with-the-wind-are-you

XXX XXL

Purple-blue...

2008-11-24T18:16:00.003-06:00

It's been a long time since I write, weekend has been hectic. I've got some bad news and some issues have been bothering me since. I don't know really what's the big deal about leaving someone, why does it hurt so much, after a long time of getting over you, finally (yes! finally!) it seems like I don't need you any more, and the last words just to say "please leave" don't come easy. You've been part of my life, my dreams, my past, my present, my future?... I don't know, I don't want to, and at the same time I want to...The answer is easy friends have told me: Let the time pass by... You've told me: I think you've already left me... I have not left you, not at all... your essence flies with me, fills me in every breath… I’m seeing you today, I’m going to look for you, I know where you’ll be at which time… wait for me, cause a walk sometimes is just a walk doesn’t imply more and sometimes is just a way to ask you to wait for me…Would you?...

XXX XXL

Hush my darling hush...

2008-11-14T14:22:00.004-06:00

So, this is it... time away from working has ended. Finally somebody want to use my talent and pay for it hahahaha... sinner!! hahaha no no no! not that "kind" of talent, though If any of you want to try... we can talk... later... hahaha... somebody told me (that you have a girlfriend that look like a boyfriend hahaha no no, not that kind of telling hahaha), seriously, somebody told me that when a woman gets divorced looses 85% of her brain and the other 15% if her dog dies...(this space is reserved for you to hit yourself if you are laughing hahaha)... I don't know all cases but know some true hahaha and know some others where the wife end sucking husband's brain and the brainless ends up being him (hahaha)...

I had so many things to say, all planned this morning while bathing (you will discover that most of my posts are planned while bathing hahahaha) now I'm just thinking what to do with my life, how to tell those things I need to say because not telling things is a way of lying... Well I told him that I love him, I didn't tell him that I love him, and how could I if he is not with me, if all we have is either by phone or not saying all the things we need and want (?) to say... I must do something, must care for him, must ask him to allow me to make him happy... I'm jello and think this time need to be creme brulee hahahaha...

As usual a song for you to read, not sure if these are the correct words but is just as much as I remember from listening to it a long LONG time ago..

You fill up my sences
like night in the forest
like the mountains in spring time
like a walk in the rain
like a storm in the desert
like a sleepy blue ocean
you fill up my sences
come fill me again
come let me love you
let me give my life to you
let me drown in your laughter
let me die in your arms
let me lay down beside you
let me always be with you
now let me love you
come love me again
let me give my life to you
come let me love you
come love me again

Perhaps tomorrow or later today I'll write all those things I want to write...

XXX XXL

I want to know...

2008-11-07T17:36:00.003-06:00

I personally think that you sometimes feel unconfortable when we talk. I would love to understand why... Is iT fear? Do not fear... Is it caution? Do not fear... I'm not going anywhere without you...Maybe, just maybe one day we wont get confused... Do I love you? I don't know... Does sparks appear when you're close? I don't know... I want to know... All I want is to know... Do you love me? You said I fascinate you... Which part of me?... Hahaha this is the time when my friends call me ohhh-diosa!!! You may not know I may not understand but as The Partridge Family said and Hugh Grant quoted them: I think I love you...but what I love is the emotion when you call my name or laugh or your voice every morning, I love you but the ilusion of you... You may love but you don't know me (damned! quoting old songs again... mah! WTF!)

So here the I think I love lyrics for your amusement:

I think I love you
So what am I so afraid of?
I'm afraid that I'm not suer of
A love there is no cure for
I think I love you
Isn't that what life is made of?
Though it worries me to say
I've never felt this way
Believe me
You really don't have to worry
I only want to make you happy
And if you say hey! Go away!
I will... But I think better still
I ought to say around and love you
Do you think I have a case?
Let me ask you to your face:
Do you think you love me?
I think I love you!

So, It has just occured to me that for sure this is not for you...This is a demonstration of how selfish I can be. If I want you to let me love you it's just because I want you to love me back, to make me feel greatness is close to me is available, with just one word, just one look, just one kiss, just the touch of your nose against my forehead, just... just... to love me back.

Anyway (and not just any) this is the song in my ipod while I write these lines; by My Favourite Souvenir (sorry Lwbt I know you can't stand his voice so I'm just attaching the lyrics hahaha just read them I don't promise I wont make you listen to it hahaha, for the time being just read them!)

Song:El porque de tus silencios
Author: Enrique Bunbury
Disc: Hellville De Luxe
Year: 2008

El porqué de tus silencios ¿Qué quieres ocultar? ¿El porqué de tanto tiempo sin hablar? Dios te libre de inventar, de mentir o de callar cuando cantas.

Como un pájaro indefenso bajo la tempestad aún encuentras fundamentos en la ruina cruel de tu memoria, al recordar el porqué de tus silencios y las huellas de tus pies de la arena frente al mar borradas por el vaivén de las aguas. El fin es el comienzo, ya nadie te espera, no sabes si sales o si entras.

Son asuntos de familia que no se pueden tratar, la gente no cambia los genes no engañan y tus flechas nunca dan en el centro del blanco de la diana y las huellas de tus pies en la arena frente al mar borradas por el vaivén de las aguas. El fin es el comienzo, ya nadie te espera, no sabes si sales o si entras.

Qué difícil es poner todos lo días un poco de luz en tus venas y las huellas de tus pies en la arena frente al mar borradas por el vaivén de las aguas. El fin es el comienzo, ya nadie te espera, no sabes si sales o si entras.

I'll wait

XXX XXL

Beginners...

2008-10-28T19:17:00.001-06:00

So...I decided to start a Blog after a good friend of mine said everyday for about 4 months that I should do it... After a lot of days trying to find the right name, not already chosen by someone, theme, scheme and feeling to write… I did it, finally, after all this time it is now on the web.

I’m not sure if you’ll find what you are looking for in here, there’s like no theme at all, just talk about my life and how it connects to others’ life… It’s entanglement… Wikipedia (damned! I’m quoting Wikipedia in my first post… who-knows, who-cares…bitch!) says something like is the state of an object linked to another in a certain way that cannot longer be describe properly without its counterpart, or something like that… I read somewhere that it happens when a particle touches a particle and until one of them touches another particle they will move in a direction and velocity related to its partner, in other words, if A touches B, B will be directly related to A until C appears and touches B.

This reminds me of the 7 degrees of separation theory and you will see that I know a lot of people… in fact LWBT (guilty as charged for this blog) remembers bitterly that once we were walking outside her office, and saw an old high school friend of her; she was really happy because this time SHE found someone instead of me… for abut 2 seconds, since her friend said he knew me from college… well LWBT better luck next time…

In other words, if you think you know me, for sure you don’t know me, if you think you don’t know me mmm… perhaps you know someone that knows me haha… anyway! I hope you enjoy this blog!

XXX XXL